Have you ever asked yourself what you fear the most? Of course,Disappointments,shattered dreams and heartbreaks are chapters that were,is and will continue to be written and re-written, in all our lives..(I just realised,Isn't there something so wonderfully weirdly non-discriminatory about that!!!! Yay!!)
Don't judge me,I am a good person.Anyway getting back to the point,I think I'm one of those weirdly non-discriminatory creatures(albeit not wonderfully) who's most afraid of making her mistakes..again and again and again!!
You can't blame someone who makes a folly once,it is so insignificant that they don't even have a term for it.Significant are those like me,the bundle of follies not joy,and yes they have an official term for us as well,We're are 'the losers'!!
This post is in no way an attempt to garner sympathy(although some over the top pampering is what my doc has prescribed to me)But its a genuine attempt to understand,discover me..and maybe you if you are like me.
Its not even as if I haven't grown up sane,normal and reasonably well reasonable....ok maybe I'm a little floozy,erratic,melodramatic and well sort of an MB fan while growing up(the really corny always happy never sad romances for those who pretend not to know)..but there are worse vices I always thought...Whenever my mum or a close friend would point put my above stated honestly admitted weaknesses,of course always lovingly so,my reply would always be 'well atleast I'm not an axe-murderer' or the dumber and wiser 'As long as it only hurts me' line
But thats where I was wrong,I've had enough realisations and revelations in the last few years to fathom..that If I'm not happy,I don't make others happy either!!! (I have not graduated from the french finishing school I'm afraid,or maybe the cliched 'discovering myself' is still miles away)
So the writing on the wall,and the sky and the universe in all really is be happy and let go of the past..start afresh,start something new,with someone true.
But here's the catch,what If I love langushing in my mistakes,what if my heart knows how to beat just that way and no other way,what if I want to trust and give it a chance over and over again..Do you understand the happiness in my pain?
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